Here we are as a family, walking along the beautiful Newborough Beach on Anglesey, North Wales. Lately Rachel and I have been reflecting over how we operate with our money and how we have managed 22 years without any disagreements over our finances. We have pondered this, wondering how we have managed to get this mostly right all this time. Here’s a few thoughts….
We are similar in many ways but not identical
Rachel couldn’t resist going for a paddle, especially as Hannah had already kicked off her trainers.
“I don’t want to take any risks, so hold my purse Doug. Actually you need to hold my phone as well” followed by “oooo this is terribly risky as I’m almost up to my ankles in the sea. How far away is the lifeboat station Hannah?”
So it’s fair to say Rachel is not given to taking reckless risks, squandering money or not wanting to make things last. Out of the two of us, she’s probably the thriftiest of us. I knew that before we got married and that’s fine, it brings some helpful balance.
I also knew where Rachel’s heart was, how generous she could be to others and that was important. Throughout our married life we have made sure we give money away each month and this is where we have always been in complete agreement with each other; we have never flinched from our desire to bless others as we too have been blessed in many ways. This is influenced by our Christian faith where we are taught to be generous and give money for the Lord’s work. We also like to give money for humanitarian purposes, although that it always on an ad-hoc basis in responding to a need that we come across. I do not say this in any boastful way; everyone should give money away.
Sometimes I have a tendency to solve problems by throwing money at it. There are times when this is necessary and currently we have a live topical example of this. Our washing machine is on-the-blink and has been for a while now. It is probably 10 years old and the manufacturers have gone out of business. We need a washing machine, full stop. So instead of limping along with a faulty one, occasionally spending more money having it repaired, I think it is time to replace it with a new one. So I feel a trip to John Lewis coming up next week. This is probably an example of where I am less tolerant than Rachel and will be more inclined to make a rash decision.
Rachel keeps a close eye on our spending and sometimes will flag up a few worries. We can then look at our spreadsheets together, to see how our spending compares to our expenditure and which budget lines have significantly deviated from our forecast. It works.
My role as husband
Our roles as husband and wife are different; we agreed this from the outset. In a Christian marriage, the husband is in a loving authority over his wife. That doesn’t mean the wife is secondary, or less important in any way. We are of equal value and yet our roles are different.
Having said this, there have only been a handful of times when I have ever made a decision which overruled Rachel’s view. Perhaps this has been about once every five years and interestingly I think it has always been about money. Whenever we have a decision to make, we generally discuss it in little snippets of conversation, taking our time and weighing up the pros and cons as we go. I always value Rachel’s view, always thoughtful and wise. As a rule we always agree together and I always seek her view.
Early in our marriage I asked Rachel to trust me with money, even though I might make the odd mistake. Sure I have made the odd mistake (mentioned in my FAQs) but Rachel has always stuck by me, which I value more than the money itself.
Do we seem a little old fashioned?
We might do to some. And yet, it has worked. We have never seriously disagreed about money. We have always maintained our principles which could be summarised as:
- Avoid borrowing money. The only time we have borrowed money was when we bought our house. A mortgage is cheaper than renting and especially so in the long run. We paid our mortgage off several years early through scrimping and putting any spare cash into the repayments. It worked.
- Give generously. The Bible reminds us how we should do this and how it is a joy to give to others. Whenever possible we ensure the recipient can benefit from Gift Aid (for overseas readers, this is where the UK Government kindly allows the recipient to claim the tax we have paid on the money we are giving)
- Talk things through. We have always avoided squabbling over money and agreeing our approach to money from the outset has been really useful. This is where a marriage preparation course was so helpful.
- Live within our means. Sure, there have been times when we have spent more than we have earnt . But we have always had a reasonable “buffer” to absorb any overspends and we have managed this well.
- Give ourselves pocket money. This has worked well for personal spending, where we are not accountable to each other and is helpful for birthday presents. I’ve blogged about this before here.
- Always consider the “what if” situations. By this I mean things going wrong i.e. life insurance, critical illness, house and contents insurance and so on. Insurance companies have made an industry out of being able to insure yourselves against every eventuality and I think there’s a point where you have to draw the line. Have insurance for what you actually need but don’t go crazy!
- Don’t play the Lottery or go to casinos. I will blog another time about why we think gambling is wrong but for now let me say how I am reminded of the proverb which is on the lines of “Lord, don’t give me too much, for I might become distracted. Don’t give me too little, or I might be tempted to steal. Just enough for my needs”.
- Take advice. Again I have already blogged about this (here) and it has proved to be very worthwhile. Ideally I’d say an independent financial advisor is prudent but as an alternative, seeking wise advice from someone trustworthy and you respect.