Regular readers will already know how we keep a close eye on my mother-in-law, who lives just a few miles from us. We have a definite sense of needing to step up our care in her twilight years with its challenges and lighter moments.
It has always been a tricky balance. While we have always respected her desire to remain independent, we have balanced this against the increasing levels of care which are needed.
Last September she had an eye infection, nothing serious, but it did mean we quickly moved to thrice daily visits. During our visits we would prepare a lunch time meal and one or two other little chores. Once the eye infection cleared, we found ourselves making daily visits. Since then this has been supplemented by a lady in the village who kindly helps. Gradually there has been a drift towards more and more care.
The house is old and rambling. When our daughters were smaller we used to play ‘hide n seek’ which had great potential with the various rooms, two stair cases, various nooks and crannies, attic rooms and the cellar. The girls loved this and were adept at keeping me hunting for ages, often it was only their giggles which gave them away . The most puzzling for me was Becky (always so skinny) standing behind some curtains and it was only her toe nails poking out which gave the game away. Hannah used to hide in cupboards mostly but the most fiendish and scariest of hiding places was the gas fired tumble drier (now you don’t see many of those, do you?).
With my mother-in-law we see changes from day to day, hour to hour. Sometimes she is most definitely on the ball, other times she forgets almost everything. She can hardly see, is hard of hearing, very frail and at 94, in her twilight years.
I love hearing stories from times past. In the 1950s she was a lab assistant when she met Rachel’s Dad and the rest is history, as they say. That was in an era when women were expected to resign from their employment once they were married. In fact when they were planning a move to Bedfordshire, she scouted various villages (on her moped) for a house to buy and found the ideal house. The builders didn’t take her seriously when she wanted to buy a house off-plan because she was a woman and they’d only deal with a man!
Rachel’s mum is from a very ordinary family in Norwich. Getting married to Rachel’s father must have been a curious thing. Of course they were in love but also from two entirely different backgrounds and I will blog about this another time. Suffice to say, Rachel’s father is from a well documented family with a number of different branches and each with their own stories and a little dusting of Who’s Who.
And so recently we have carried on sorting through many things acquired over the years. Some things are being kept (family heirlooms), odd bits to give away, other bits to sell via eBay, Market Place and Amazon Hook’s Books. It is painstaking work, not to be rushed and careful consideration given to many things. Rachel often comes across things from her childhood; the books she would read, the little craft projects and this brings memories flooding back. For myself, I enjoy listening to Rachel talk about these things in getting a glimpse of the young girl who would become my wife in her thirties.
It feels as though we are poised to conclude another chapter of our lives together. These are very poignant times and certainly a time for reflection and different emotions. Rachel is understandably apprehensive but is also very pragmatic about the realities of this time.