Weekly update – farewell to Grandma

Not quite the weekly update I have wanted to write as we say farewell to Grandma, Rachel’s mum.

On Christmas Eve we (Rachel, Hannah and myself) were out on quite a crisp and cold afternoon; we had a romp around Ashridge.  On our way back home we briefly stopped at our friends Barry and Angela (social distancing, of course) and just started the drive home.  Rachel realised she had missed a phone call from the nursing home and called to listen to the answerphone message left just a couple of minutes beforehand.

The news was her Mum had “had a turn” and an ambulance had been called, though she did seem to be returning to normal at that point.  Rolling forward to the early hours of Christmas Day, we heard the news she had passed away following a heart attack.  Rachel had, understandably, endured a restless night through wondering what was happening and, wanting to be there for her mum was thinking of how would be the best way to get in touch.

She called the hospital at 4:23am to ask if they had her mobile phone number and if the staff would check how her mother was.  They were busy but said that she seemed settled.  Rachel couldn’t rest so was busy baking biscuits when the call came through at 4:59am to say that the doctors had been called at 4:45am and all was not well, they would call back with permission for us to visit in a Covid secure way.  She woke me and Hannah so we could all get dressed and ready to go.  I was with Rachel at 5:39am when we heard the Doctor’s softly spoken words to say she had a heart attack and didn’t survive.

As one life passes – and of course we now start the journey of coming to terms with this – we are also struck by the kindness of others.  I am sure I will talk about Rachel’s mum in coming posts as she was such an interesting person, but for now it is almost easier to talk about some others.

There is Louise at the nursing home.  It was Louise who called for an ambulance and was troubled that she had possibly over reacted.  We wanted to reassure her, so we went to the home later on Christmas Day to put her mind at rest; she was lovely with her heartfelt sympathy for Rachel, full of thoughtfulness and kindness.  Through her own tears she hugged Rachel in a kind of “blow Covid for a second and let’s just be human”.

There’s Anda, the nursing home manager.  Full of life and drive and who we had spoken to many times.  She is outstanding and the overriding reason we chose the home.

Daisy was the nurse in the hospital, who we had spoken to before (and after) the Doctor had broken the news to us.  Again we had come across someone who was kind, thoughtful and caring. Rachel asked about visiting and saying her farewell to her Mum.  This was possible, subject to the hospital’s powers-that-be agreeing but there would be a consequence – we would all have to self isolate for 10 days.  It took us both hardly any time to agree not to do this as now, more than ever, was the time to be able to leave the house for walks, seeing people (at a distance) and contemplation.

Daisy carried on speaking and Rachel had a feeling about her, so asked if she was a Christian.  She was, so Rachel asked if she would be prepared to stand in our place and say our goodbyes in person while we were on the phone.  The conversation continued in a sisterly way with Daisy offering to read a psalm and offered psalm 91.  Instead Rachel asked for psalm 23 and we followed the words as Daisy read those words alongside Grandma.  We said our goodbyes and prayed, with Daisy’s phone alongside her mum.

Needless to say our Christmas Day was subdued.  Already there’s much my mind has chosen to discard and I’m cross about this.  It was all so much of a whirl and very unsettling.  We were quiet through the day; Rachel kept herself busy and I cooked the planned Christmas lunch to keep some normality.

A Christmas we will never forget, nor Grandma who it is better to remember from a while back.  Clever, humorous, on top of current affairs and particularly good at solving problems.

In years gone by, we would often pose a challenge which involved weighing up all kinds of ingredients without an answer leaping out.  By the time our next visit came around, she’d announce how she had been pondering it through and had an idea.  Often she was spot on.  She was a very practical and pragmatic person; but also infuriatingly independent and yet heavily dependent on ourselves.  We have few regrets, we always tried to do the right thing.