This little tale starts off in Stevenage Magistrates Court in the late 1990s and doesn’t get picked up until 10 years later. It really is a serious reminder of why it is so important we take care in what we say. Easy for me to say, perhaps as someone who is prone to ‘putting my foot in it’ from time to time.
It was an ordinary day in the Probation Head Office in 2009. We had these monthly management meetings which could last all day, some would say drag on all day.
At lunchtime I always popped out for a little stroll and allow a little daylight into my eyeballs. Just as I was going through the front door someone else was coming in and we passed each other. The man said, in a classic lazy Hertfordshire kind of way:
”Here you, didn’t you f’ing work in f’ing Stevenage Court sometimes?”
I turned, looked at him but simply didn’t recognise him at all. “Yep, that’s right I did but it was a few years ago now”
”Yeah I remember you, you were on duty when I f’ing well got sent down”
I then wondered what was going to follow. Was I, as the face of the Probation Service in Court, going to be held responsible in this man’s eyes for wrecking his life? For unfairly sending him to prison? I was aware some offenders thought Probation was out to stitch them up with all those fancy risk assessments and reports written about them and where they always disagreed with the contents and whatever the conclusion was.
Instead his tone changed. He was friendly and relaxed in his body language “yeah your name’s Doug, init? Yeah I remember you, you came to see me in the f’ing cells after I got sent down, you came to make sure I was okay and whether you could phone anyone for me”.
We chatted for a few minutes, he wanted to tell me about his life. So often relationship problems surfaced with offenders, so too was the tricky area of housing and employment. Attitudes about what was right or wrong were often points to talk through and it was hard to get a handle on him through such a brief interaction. I genuinely couldn’t remember him.
What struck me
As we parted and I had my lunchtime stroll, I was astonished how he remembered me and how I had been to see him in the cells under the Court room.
My conversation in the cell was very routine, the kind of thing I would have done so many times. And yet for that young man, he had remembered. He had remembered how I had gone to see him and make sure he was okay. He had remembered me for many years and again, I was struck by that.
So for me, this is a reminder of how we must be mindful in what we say to people in just ordinary, routine and very forgettable conversations. I might say something as a throw-away remark of little importance and yet this could stick with someone for years. Any us can have an unwitting impact on someone’s life through what we say, or even what we blog about.
So having reminded myself of this, allow me to make sure I take good care in all I blog about…..