Yet again Rachel and I have been counting assistants at the blummin Council. This time it was for the Police & Crime Commissioner election, together with a little parish election and an even smaller referendum on a local matter. Totally tedious but we find a few things to smile at….
Things to loathe
- Having to unfold ballot papers which have been done up so tightly. Why do you do this to us poor, undervalued counting assistants doing their bit to help you express YOUR democratic rights?
- Loud conversations of officials right next to me as I try to concentrate. Makes me lose my concentration as I count votes into bundles of 25. Hate it when I get to 22 or 23 and make a mistake. This time I turned around to see who was distracting me. Some big cheese with an entourage to whom I retorted “a little more social distancing please gentlemen”. They apologised and went off to bother someone else.
- The slippery paper the blummin Council use for their ballot papers. Makes handling them more time consuming (still, eeks it out for more money?).
- The marquee floor is springy. Every time someone important strides along in front of one’s desk, it wobbles around. Very disconcerting. Funny how humble, ordinary Council workers don’t do that, just the very important ones.
Things to love
- The rants people have and spoil their ballot papers. Of course it doesn’t make any difference. Nobody takes any notice, other than someone important who decides if it is sufficiently spoilt and, of course, us counting assistants who take it in turns to have a chuckle.
“Tossers, all of them are Tossers”
“Total waste of f**king money”
Please don’t stop, I love reading your rants and they make me smile.
- One ballot paper, which unfortunately was deemed as spoilt, had a lovely drawing on it. Someone had clearly gone to a lot of trouble. Alas it counted for nowt.
- Being part of the democratic process. It is so important. May we never, ever, take it for granted. May Boris Johnson never try and mess around with it because he can’t always have things his way. I say that because I wouldn’t be totally surprised if he tried to pull a fast one.
- Seeing a few of my former colleagues for a catch up. Although nice to see them, I have no regrets in retiring!
- A little bit of pocket money. It is 50% more lucrative if the count takes place through the night but that can involve serious caffeine which probably isn’t very good for our blood pressure these days!
Related: Confessions of a Counting Assistant